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A Small Minority
"One day I found out that my urine was acting like a powerful foaming agent. I don't know why. I thought that I could take advantage of my ability by hosting foam parties in the pub toilets. My landlord wasn't keen. He didn't think that people would be interested. In fact, he said that it was a disgusting idea. I said that I would rather go to a foam party than watch the ---- football, but he said that I'm in a very small minority, and the big screen stays."
I realize that college basketball is a niche sport. I'm reminded of it every time a bunch of hipsters make fun of it on The Onion.com, and I'm definitely reminded of it every time I flail my arms in desperation as UNI tries to win a key road game. The amused looks on my friends' faces as I watch in our living room holds testament to that. Some of these people, though, have started fights with their girlfriends simply because the Green Bay Packers beat the Minnesota Vikings or vice versa, so there you have it.
There is no outlet for expression quite like a college basketball game. The only thing I've found that even compares is the atmosphere at a minor-league hockey game. There's pageantry, sport, personal honor, a lot of advertising, and a large helping of community pride. UNI has somehow transcended the status of "Small College Basketball Team" into the new and frightening realm of something else entirely.
The Cedar Valley is largely ignored by the rest of the country at large. There are 164,000 people estimated to be living here, so it was only a matter of time before a few of them started speaking up. It was a UNI alumnus named Greg McDermott that came in and set things in motion. Over time, the university has received national attention as well as the people who live here. The national consensus is vague, and often times amusing. Anything from our stoicism to our compassion is pointed out by some, the impossibly pretty college girls being pointed out by others. All in all, we're a hilarious image of perfection in some people's eyes.
One quick survey of how Iowa Hawkeyes fans feel about UNI and it's supporters paints a very different picture, however. Pushy. Rude. Too big for their britches. Small fish in a big pond. Arrogant. Pesky. Iowa State fans in sheep's clothing. Little Brother. Thugs. Division II (hello, Gary Dolphin). It goes on and on.
Ask a UNI fan how they feel about an Iowa Hawkeye fan, however, and the picture starts to take shape. Ignorant. Entitled. Delusional. Indignant at the idea that UNI fans may not possibly care for the Iowa Hawkeyes or their repeated insults. Nearly psychotic with desperation at the idea that UNI has the premier basketball program in the state, and one of the best in the Midwest in the last ten years. You get the idea.
Basically, nobody's perfect.
This, folks, is what we call the beginnings of a rivalry. Or, as one of my favorite characters in all of cinema put it: "Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent." UNI fans have turned their "little brother" label against Iowa, and Iowa has rightfully responded by continuing to dominate the state landscape in college football, something UNI will never be able to do.
Chuck Klosterman once provided a great perspective on the difference between a nemesis and an arch-enemy. For UNI, their arch-enemies are Creighton and Drake. Does anyone argue this? (I guess that's what the reply button is for.) Creighton because their psychotic jealousy of UNI's camaraderie is palpable whenever the two teams meet. Drake because it's student body is saturated with fraternity and sorority types, and think that UNI is a bunch of smart-aleck bumpkins. If the shoe fits...
UNI's nemeses are CLEARLY Iowa and Iowa State, however. They are the only two entities that could possibly make UNI fans feel inferior. This is likely due to their budgets that will always be larger, and their fanbases which will sometimes feel like brightly-colored seas for small purple islands to float in perilously.
But here's where the nemesis part comes in: Iowa and Iowa State have to claim UNI as a nemesis as well. Here is a small college in the middle of the Midwest. It's in a community that's barely considered a city in the eyes of cosmopolitans. It hasn't even been Division I for fifty years, and yet this small group of farmers and townies from Northeastern Iowa refuse to shut up about how great they are. Here's the kicker, though: UNI HAS proven that they can matter on the national scene.
My only point is this: if Iowa and Iowa State fans want to bring up football, perhaps we should respond in kind that we are the kings of the foam parties.
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